we’re paying with love tonight

there’s this, person’s blog. it’s the only blog which never fails to make me feel like absolute shit every time i read it. the person who writes it is a pleasant girl, i wish i had her outlook on life, the opportunities she’s been given, the fortunes she holds. it isn’t envy that i feel when i visit her blog, it’s this jarring emptiness which hits me squarely in my face. some may describe it as a feeling of inferiority. sort of.

why do i keep going back to her blog for more? this is very masochistic. she’s the strongest reminder i’ve had so far, about what i don’t and never will have.

i think it’s because i keep hoping that someday i will finally feel indifferent about the huge contrast in our lots. that someday i will read her blogposts and no longer feel affected and the emptiness will finally leave me. that someday i will attain that inner peace and contentment as well, and feel quietly happy with life.

brahhh. i’m not making sense. this feeling sucks shit ttmc. this shall be an early night. i am turning in at 10:30PM.


p.s.: it feels even more shitty that you do not bother. ask me what’s wrong. please. talk to me first for once. i don’t know for how much longer i will remember you.


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