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I no longer have a ready excuse for having no social life, seeing as school has ended for the year. Before the holidays, I was spending hours in front of the computer. Now that the holidays have started, I still am spending hours in front of the computer. Such is life. My boring, boring life.

Omg I’ve been listening to a lot of Kpop these days, aside from watching a TON of Big Bang videos which has intensified my love for GD, T.O.P, and Taeyang by a thousand times yupyupyup (I already loved BB a lot before this, jsyk!!!! My laptop wallpaper is T.O.P’s handsome face LOL). #nolifefiona

Anyway I finished Season 4 of Breaking Bad (awesome series) during finals period but was reluctant to start on the incomplete Season 5 (don’t like waiting for episodes to come out) so I started on a Korean series instead: Vampire Prosecutor~~!!! It’s so goood I lurve it; intense thriller drama that is funny at the same time. Plus the female lead isn’t the typical vulnerable little girl archetype in other sappy K dramas so that’s more reason to love the show. :) In fact I have finished the second season of Vampire Prosecutor LOLOLOL I have no life indeed.

K abrupt & gratuitous insertion of photos of my dog, Chilli:

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Last weekend I made a one-day trip to Batam with my family — it’s rarely that my parents get the time to go overseas, even if it’s for a short visit, so I really cherished this Batam trip.

We initially wanted to travel free-and-easy since it’s just for one day and any navigation problems can probably be solved by cabbing around the small island, but the ferry company managed to psycho my parents into buying the package tour, ugh. I so loathe people who hard-sell despite multiple rejections. So anyway, we ended up following a small tour group of about 20 people and it cost us almost SGD70 per pax — tour bus, seafood lunch, and return ferry included. Without the tour (i.e. the return ferry ticket alone), we would have paid about SGD40 per pax so I guess it’s slightly cheaper to take the package.

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On the ferry to Batam

The ferry journey was only an hour long but I slept through it despite the very noisy and strange family beside us. Also the aircon in the ferry was friggin’ freezing and the TV reception sucked (they were playing some cartoon from an Indonesian channel I think that’s why), but whatever hahaha.

The tour itinerary was predictably touristy but tolerable I guess… Visited the usual tourist spots in Batam: the Polo shop, a store selling local dried products like prawn crackers (very gooood), temples, a place selling handmade kueh lapis, and the 933 Golden Prawn Restaurant for our seafood lunch. Before leaving for Batam, I did some ‘research’ online on the 933 restaurant and found that almost all reviews on it said that the food quality was ~meh~ and not worth the price, and that the price isn’t even cheap by Batam’s standards in the first place because 933 is sooooo touristy. But ah well, the tour group was headed there so what to do~~~ The seafood lunch turned out so-so, not spectacular or super delicious but passable. At least we had a big spread and there were prawns and crab. ^_^

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On the tour bus

Also we had a 10-min go-kart session as part of the tour while the parents/adults (hehe that means I’m still a kid hahahaha) left to view some mini versions of Indonesian villages? Not sure about what they did but the go-kart was FUN!!! Was a bit expensive though I think it’s about SGD15. We had to drive alongside some brazen children from our group which sucks because their driving sucks balls and they keep trying to drift wth lame right but yeah they made it more dangerous for the rest of us but that aside it was good fun. :)

At the end of the day, we did some shopping (at Batam City Square and Mega Mall) and had a full-body massage before we left for Singapore. I enjoyed the massage a lot because it was superrrr SHUANG and I even fell asleep 3 times because it was so relaxing HAHAHAHA. Only SGD20 for 1.5 hours of awesome massage! Damn cheap! Oh yeah and the shopping at City Square was a lot better than at Mega Mall. City Square had nice trendy clothes (about SGD10 to 15!!!) whereas boring Mega Mall only had a lot of shops for Islamic clothing, sporting goods, and also A LOT of fake branded goods and even illegal weapons like brass knuckles, swords, and ninja stars wtf (that you can’t even bring into Singapore, lame).

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Smiley face on the ferry seats back to Singapore :)

We arrived in Singapore a little after 9pm and, guess what, the moment our ferry docked, there were fireworks!!! No idea what the fireworks were for or where they came from haha but it provided a good ending to our day trip to Batam! :) Oh yeah and they played a Korean movie called Sector 7 on board the ferry and the film was trashy and super bad but entertainingly so HAHAHA.

Ok that’s The End for our Batam trip! Moving on…

As most of you would know, I permed my hair recently! I used a Groupon for Style Lab at *scape, Orchard, and the perm turned out better than I expected (since it’s a cheap voucher)! My stylist was Jeremy and he’s awkwardly friendly hahaha but he has many piercings just like I do so yay. ^_^

I got a cut too (just layering my hair really), before the perm. Here are the photos:

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My curls are messier, looser, and less ‘sticky’ or matted together now, partly because I have been drying my hair differently from how Jeremy did at the salon (which was the day I took the After photo). Another reason is of course that perms tend to loosen soon, and the curls will gradually disappear in a few months’ time!

Hehe but I’m loving my hair for now. It’s not as flat as before and it’s a refreshing change without having to chop off inches (which I was tempted to do…)! The bad thing is that I have to take a lot longer to take care of curly hair, what with all the conditioning and styling needed. The lazy girl in me is groaning sadly hahaha.

K next thing: I changed my nail colour again~ As usual~ Finally got rid of my chipped red nails from finals period. But it’s been a few days since I painted a new colour and now it’s pretty chipped already hahaha damn.

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Vamping it up for the holidays! :) Nail polish is from Rubi (as usual~). Ignore the uneven sides lol I was fidgeting and scratched the polish off zzzz.

As you can tell, my holidays so far haven’t been very eventful hahaha but it’s fine; I’m gonna get busy very soon with SF FOC and also with USP Taiwan trip comm stuff. Also I will be meeting up with more people in the coming weeks, and travelling to school to exercise with KW. Stuff like that. Maybe I’ll try to add in one or two clubbing nights this holidays too HMMMM we’ll see!

Ok bye gonna watch The Walking Dead (mid-season finale leh!!!!) hahahahhaa #nolifefiona byebye :)

In a way it felt like deja vu, as if I had already turned 20 and the well-wishes and celebration had been long overdue. Of course they say that age is only a number, but for some reason I had already stopped thinking/feeling that I was 19, ages before my birthday had arrived. Truth be told, there were more than a few moments in 2012 in which I was trying to recall how old I was. So, no, I don’t feel older nor do I feel any wiser — feels like, things have reached a plateau mentally and are going to stay this way for a while.

Regardless, thank you everyone who made my birthday better! A lot of the wishes I received (especially the non-Facebook ones) made me smile. And especially to QY & E, thank you for the effort put in as well as the present!! :)

Moving on…

It was during the finals prep period that I had a moment of clarity about a certain issue I had been troubling over (mostly because I was procrastinating by indulging in deeeep introspection lolol), and I am so glad that the result is a peace of mind — something I have been searching for in vain for a long time. I am so much clearer about what matters to me now, who I am (which is saying a lot considering the ‘existential’ funk I was in previously), and what I should be pursuing at this stage of my life. Gone is one of my biggest internal conflicts. I won’t state explicitly what it is, but let’s just say that this quote from Mitch Albom’s Tuesdays with Morrie“I like myself better when I’m with you.” is and will no longer be relevant to me.

*Sigh of contentment*

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Before I end this post:

Where can I find someone to sing (record) this with me? :/

“We are all ordinary. We are all boring. We are all spectacular. We are all shy. We are all bold. We are all heroes. We are all helpless. It just depends on the day.”
– Brad Meltzer

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Insomnia makes one lose track of time — each day suddenly becomes so much longer and before you know it you’ve already spent 28 hours awake and you can barely tell the difference between Today, Tomorrow, and Yesterday anymore.

Also this existential crisis thingum I’m experiencing right now really isn’t helping.

There is so much I want to say; there is so much waiting to spill out of me. But I find myself holding my tongue more and more these days. Well, sometimes it’s not so much of bottling those feelings and thoughts up but rather reigning them in so that they can dissipate quietly and die a slow, calm death.

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Photo by Jade Han

Boo. Creepy doll for Halloween ’12.

So the past 2 weeks have left me feeling exhausted and so, so unwell because I have been having yet another bout of insomnia. It’s now 4.57AM and I have class at 9.00AM all the way to 6.00PM with only 2 hours of break in between — I’m not too sure if I can stay awake for today’s lessons. Insomnia’s a real bitch. I can’t talk to anyone at this ungodly hour since everyone’s asleep, and social media’s not keeping me entertained either since, well, nobody’s awake to update FB or Twitter.

It’s a little ironic I guess, how I’ve been insomniac recently, because we just watched Fight Club in class yesterday (Monday, that is) and the narrator had really bad insomnia too. Omg please don’t let there be any parallels between the film and my life…

K this post has no actual point.

Oh yea photos:

Happy birthday to Ray from SF :)

Last week’s W2WW: the theme was BIRDS and those are owls on my top lol. “Birds” in French is “les oiseaux” btw. Mmkay idk why I wrote that.

Guess it’s time to try to sleep k bye

Wanna learn how to waste a perfectly good Friday?

So yesterday (which happened to be a Friday) I woke up fine and dandy, ready to do some work, but because my browser (Firefox) had been angsty recently and crashing like a thousand times each night I decided I had to download a new browser. The moment I installed Google Chrome on my laptop, I realised what a big mistake it was because it was so ~cool~!!! So many apps I could download and so many browser themes I could get to pimp it up. So I ended up spending hours dabbling with Chrome, ugh. After that I thought my nails had been bare and polish-free for quite a while so they could do with some new colour and so I spent another hour or so painting my nails. (Speaking of which, I can’t stop staring at my nails because oooooh shiny!) Ok then I went to do my laundry and went to and fro trying to bleach some stains out of my white t-shirt (did not work). And then later I decided, hey, this would be a good time to START ON A NEW TV SERIES and I started watching Breaking Bad and BOOM there went my Friday. (Breaking Bad is really good btw.)

I feel so guilty and yes I am horrified with myself because this happens every friggin’ Friday and I get a much shorter weekend as a result and stress myself out when I can’t finish all the work due on Monday. Like how I am fucking stressed out now. Pffft.

Someone needs to sit me down proper every Friday and force me to get some proper shit done.

Ok bye gtg do homework

Week 8’s been a jolly good week!! for the following reasons:

  1. Done with Ethics essay!
  2. Done with Ethics quiz 3!
  3. Done with group video presentation!
  4. Got back French midterms results and I did well!
  5. Realised that I did well for Psych midterms after all!
  6. Had a verrryyy orgasmic grilled fish meal at Can 16!
  7. Had my favourite chicken chop from Can 2! (see pic)
  8. It’s the last week the squatter will be here!
  9. Signed up for SF camp main comm!
  10. Discovered the perfect study music playlist on Youtube!
  11. What2WearWednesdays: checkered theme! (see pic)
  12. Didn’t splurge on anything!
  13. Tumblr-ed a lot!
  14. Settled school and hostel fees!
  15. Bought Pringles from 7-11!
  16. New Psych lecturer is good!
  17. Zen!!!

:D

#6: It’s damn good I swear arghhh the brown sauce is the bombdiggity and the chicken is sooo goooood like it’s slightly and deliciously charred gosh I am fantasizing about it now *_*

#11: W2WW — the previous theme was Floral and this Wed it was checks. :) I like having themed days because it forces me to wear something else other than a tired tshirt and shorts hahaha.

Well next week’s gonna be heck of a crazy week too so here’s hoping everything goes well!! I need to catch up with tutorials, complete another essay, present another speech, prepare for another quiz, and prepare for a dance event on Saturday (omg super nervous). As usual my skin is wreaking havoc but oh wellllll skin shall be of low priority for now hmmmm sucks but I can’t help it.

OH YEA I FINALLY HAVE INSTAGRAM PLEASE FOLLOW ME IF YOU HAVE IT TOO!!!! I’m @fivefatfleas as usual!!! Hahahaha I’m like an instagram loser because I have v few followers so far and I keep liking others’ photos and I don’t filter my photos much hehhehe ok but I promise to filter more and take more photos ok!!! FOLLOW ME!!!

Ok bye listen to this before you go:

I want to see Grimes live omgggggg watched so many of her live performances on Youtube and was imagining myself there wheeee good music + good food are enough to make me happy :D

NTU Recess Week is here! OH JOY~~ That means I’m done with 2 mid-terms: Intro to Psychology and French! Yippeeee :) But there are essays and assignments due after Recess Week, so… it’s not much of a break, but I’ll take what I can get!

I was reminded that I had previously promised to update on my CCA choices as well as the modules I’m currently taking, so here you go:

CCAs / other commitments:

  1. Soul Funky
  2. Salsa En Sync (quitting)
  3. ODAC
  4. University Scholars Programme (USP) Student Committee

Modules:

  1. HP1000 Introduction to Psychology
  2. LF9001 French (Level 1)
  3. CS2005 Speech and Argumentation
  4. SP0001 Writing and Reasoning
  5. SP0002 Ethics
  6. BU8301 Fundamentals of Business Law

:) If you’d like to know about the above modules (what the content is like, whether it’s easy to score well, how the professor/tutor teaches, etc) please ask me only after this semester is over because it is likely I will blurt out something politically incorrect if you ask me now!

Anyway, it’s been a real challenge trying to keep abreast of things and staying consistent in my studies because I’m usually lazing around and will give the final huge push only when deadlines or exams are horribly near. I’m actually quite behind on my philosophy readings, so hopefully I’ll be able to catch up this recess week! But I’m progressing fairly well in my other modules, methinks, i.e. not falling behind and still able to understand what’s going on in every lesson. Which is good news. :)

Many things have been popping up though, and ughhh they’re such distractions!!! It’s a wonder my head hasn’t exploded from the overwhelming amount of things on my mind these few weeks. Also I fell ill last week (during mid-terms) so that sucked as well.

So…. to cheer myself up, I went SHOPPING today. :D Retail therapy + alone time = increased happiness. Hahaha. Got new shoes, nail polish, skincare products, and tops. Wanted to get a new piercing too to cheer myself up but was too lazy to travel to my favourite piercer’s! So the new metal will have to wait. Hehe.

Finally got myself a pair of nude heels! So stoked about this purchase because it’s amazingly comfortable and the height is just nice (I can’t handle too much height because I topple easily lololol)!!! Plus nude will always be a versatile and classy colour. ^_^ Oh yea and obviously this pair cost v little since it’s from Mitju. What a great find~ Lalalalaalalala~

Nude heels elongate your legs too btw :3

Speaking of nude, I got new nude nails too. $0.50 only from rubi hahaha and the colour pretty  much exudes understated classiness. …right? RIGHT? Right. :)

Saw this on the bus on my way home from shopping. Cute! The auntie was carrying like a dozen balloons haha what a colourful sight. Cheered me up even more. :)

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The recent spate of events has gotten me thinking: Am I too impulsive and fickle? I seem to be getting more and more more prone to making rash decisions — whether or not these decisions turn out to be the right ones is another matter — and it’s scaring me a little. I often attribute it to my knowing exactly what I want, often justifying my seeming impulsiveness based on the mindset that if [something] is what (I know) I like, I shall go for it, and if [something] is what (I know) I dislike, I shall avoid it or get out of it ASAP.

It feels good to be able to be assertive in certain situations and taking a firm stand instead of bowing to pressure from people around me to stick with the status quo. I hated being a member of the String Ensemble in JC, so I quit; I was sure I wanted to do something different in JC, so I joined HACAS and Trekking; I was fed up with law school, so I promptly transferred to NTU; I was interested in dance, so I joined the SF orientation camp and also auditioned for Salsa by myself… I did all these, regardless of what others might have to say. I have been literally only listening to one person: Myself. And recently there have been one too many decisions that I have come to regret (note: I’m not referring to those listed above but to other personal choices that few know about).

Could I have made better decisions and taken better paths if I had stopped listening to Myself for a while? Would things have been better if I had ignored the persistent voice of Myself in my head and my heart for a moment, and gone along obediently with the suggestions and advice of others?

Now I am once again faced with several new, difficult decisions to make, and I feel lost. On one hand, I want to simply do as I please, as I have always done so. On the other hand, mistrust against myself is making me feel nervous and hesitant.

Help?