Archive

Writing

 

I no longer have a ready excuse for having no social life, seeing as school has ended for the year. Before the holidays, I was spending hours in front of the computer. Now that the holidays have started, I still am spending hours in front of the computer. Such is life. My boring, boring life.

Omg I’ve been listening to a lot of Kpop these days, aside from watching a TON of Big Bang videos which has intensified my love for GD, T.O.P, and Taeyang by a thousand times yupyupyup (I already loved BB a lot before this, jsyk!!!! My laptop wallpaper is T.O.P’s handsome face LOL). #nolifefiona

Anyway I finished Season 4 of Breaking Bad (awesome series) during finals period but was reluctant to start on the incomplete Season 5 (don’t like waiting for episodes to come out) so I started on a Korean series instead: Vampire Prosecutor~~!!! It’s so goood I lurve it; intense thriller drama that is funny at the same time. Plus the female lead isn’t the typical vulnerable little girl archetype in other sappy K dramas so that’s more reason to love the show. :) In fact I have finished the second season of Vampire Prosecutor LOLOLOL I have no life indeed.

K abrupt & gratuitous insertion of photos of my dog, Chilli:

DSC_0443 DSC_0444

DSC_0475 (480x600)

IMG_20121208_132430 (600x600)

Last weekend I made a one-day trip to Batam with my family — it’s rarely that my parents get the time to go overseas, even if it’s for a short visit, so I really cherished this Batam trip.

We initially wanted to travel free-and-easy since it’s just for one day and any navigation problems can probably be solved by cabbing around the small island, but the ferry company managed to psycho my parents into buying the package tour, ugh. I so loathe people who hard-sell despite multiple rejections. So anyway, we ended up following a small tour group of about 20 people and it cost us almost SGD70 per pax — tour bus, seafood lunch, and return ferry included. Without the tour (i.e. the return ferry ticket alone), we would have paid about SGD40 per pax so I guess it’s slightly cheaper to take the package.

DSC_0456

On the ferry to Batam

The ferry journey was only an hour long but I slept through it despite the very noisy and strange family beside us. Also the aircon in the ferry was friggin’ freezing and the TV reception sucked (they were playing some cartoon from an Indonesian channel I think that’s why), but whatever hahaha.

The tour itinerary was predictably touristy but tolerable I guess… Visited the usual tourist spots in Batam: the Polo shop, a store selling local dried products like prawn crackers (very gooood), temples, a place selling handmade kueh lapis, and the 933 Golden Prawn Restaurant for our seafood lunch. Before leaving for Batam, I did some ‘research’ online on the 933 restaurant and found that almost all reviews on it said that the food quality was ~meh~ and not worth the price, and that the price isn’t even cheap by Batam’s standards in the first place because 933 is sooooo touristy. But ah well, the tour group was headed there so what to do~~~ The seafood lunch turned out so-so, not spectacular or super delicious but passable. At least we had a big spread and there were prawns and crab. ^_^

DSC_0460

On the tour bus

Also we had a 10-min go-kart session as part of the tour while the parents/adults (hehe that means I’m still a kid hahahaha) left to view some mini versions of Indonesian villages? Not sure about what they did but the go-kart was FUN!!! Was a bit expensive though I think it’s about SGD15. We had to drive alongside some brazen children from our group which sucks because their driving sucks balls and they keep trying to drift wth lame right but yeah they made it more dangerous for the rest of us but that aside it was good fun. :)

At the end of the day, we did some shopping (at Batam City Square and Mega Mall) and had a full-body massage before we left for Singapore. I enjoyed the massage a lot because it was superrrr SHUANG and I even fell asleep 3 times because it was so relaxing HAHAHAHA. Only SGD20 for 1.5 hours of awesome massage! Damn cheap! Oh yeah and the shopping at City Square was a lot better than at Mega Mall. City Square had nice trendy clothes (about SGD10 to 15!!!) whereas boring Mega Mall only had a lot of shops for Islamic clothing, sporting goods, and also A LOT of fake branded goods and even illegal weapons like brass knuckles, swords, and ninja stars wtf (that you can’t even bring into Singapore, lame).

DSC_0463

Smiley face on the ferry seats back to Singapore :)

We arrived in Singapore a little after 9pm and, guess what, the moment our ferry docked, there were fireworks!!! No idea what the fireworks were for or where they came from haha but it provided a good ending to our day trip to Batam! :) Oh yeah and they played a Korean movie called Sector 7 on board the ferry and the film was trashy and super bad but entertainingly so HAHAHA.

Ok that’s The End for our Batam trip! Moving on…

As most of you would know, I permed my hair recently! I used a Groupon for Style Lab at *scape, Orchard, and the perm turned out better than I expected (since it’s a cheap voucher)! My stylist was Jeremy and he’s awkwardly friendly hahaha but he has many piercings just like I do so yay. ^_^

I got a cut too (just layering my hair really), before the perm. Here are the photos:

DSC_0469 DSC_0473

My curls are messier, looser, and less ‘sticky’ or matted together now, partly because I have been drying my hair differently from how Jeremy did at the salon (which was the day I took the After photo). Another reason is of course that perms tend to loosen soon, and the curls will gradually disappear in a few months’ time!

Hehe but I’m loving my hair for now. It’s not as flat as before and it’s a refreshing change without having to chop off inches (which I was tempted to do…)! The bad thing is that I have to take a lot longer to take care of curly hair, what with all the conditioning and styling needed. The lazy girl in me is groaning sadly hahaha.

K next thing: I changed my nail colour again~ As usual~ Finally got rid of my chipped red nails from finals period. But it’s been a few days since I painted a new colour and now it’s pretty chipped already hahaha damn.

DSC_0478 (487x600)

Vamping it up for the holidays! :) Nail polish is from Rubi (as usual~). Ignore the uneven sides lol I was fidgeting and scratched the polish off zzzz.

As you can tell, my holidays so far haven’t been very eventful hahaha but it’s fine; I’m gonna get busy very soon with SF FOC and also with USP Taiwan trip comm stuff. Also I will be meeting up with more people in the coming weeks, and travelling to school to exercise with KW. Stuff like that. Maybe I’ll try to add in one or two clubbing nights this holidays too HMMMM we’ll see!

Ok bye gonna watch The Walking Dead (mid-season finale leh!!!!) hahahahhaa #nolifefiona byebye :)

I have two toothbrushes: one in my room in hall, and one at home. Since exams are over, I have been home for a grand total of two days — that means I have used my home-toothbrush several times since I have been back.

“Fiona,” my maid, Levi, holding my home-toothbrush in her hand, “You use this one is it?”

“Yeah. It’s mine. Why?”

“But Ah Ma [my grandmother with dementia] use this for past three days already.”

“Huh? No, no, Levi, that’s my toothbrush.”

“Mum ask me let Ah Ma use one. When you go to school [i.e. when I’m away at hall]. So you want to share toothbrush with Ah Ma? Use same one?”

“… … No. I’ll buy a new one.”

In a way it felt like deja vu, as if I had already turned 20 and the well-wishes and celebration had been long overdue. Of course they say that age is only a number, but for some reason I had already stopped thinking/feeling that I was 19, ages before my birthday had arrived. Truth be told, there were more than a few moments in 2012 in which I was trying to recall how old I was. So, no, I don’t feel older nor do I feel any wiser — feels like, things have reached a plateau mentally and are going to stay this way for a while.

Regardless, thank you everyone who made my birthday better! A lot of the wishes I received (especially the non-Facebook ones) made me smile. And especially to QY & E, thank you for the effort put in as well as the present!! :)

Moving on…

It was during the finals prep period that I had a moment of clarity about a certain issue I had been troubling over (mostly because I was procrastinating by indulging in deeeep introspection lolol), and I am so glad that the result is a peace of mind — something I have been searching for in vain for a long time. I am so much clearer about what matters to me now, who I am (which is saying a lot considering the ‘existential’ funk I was in previously), and what I should be pursuing at this stage of my life. Gone is one of my biggest internal conflicts. I won’t state explicitly what it is, but let’s just say that this quote from Mitch Albom’s Tuesdays with Morrie“I like myself better when I’m with you.” is and will no longer be relevant to me.

*Sigh of contentment*

———

Before I end this post:

Where can I find someone to sing (record) this with me? :/

I am typing this while smearing liberal amounts of chunky peanut butter (“Super Chunk”; “Extra crunchy”) onto slices of soft, white bread in front of my computer. Mmmm.

Upon knowing that I will be staying in hall for two weeks straight to prepare for my finals, my parents pretty much stockpiled food, food, and MOAR FOOOOD into my room so I guess I won’t be needing to leave my hall for 14 days. Bahahahaha.

A gratuitous list of all the food and drink items that are currently nestling in my room, ready to be eaten:

  1. One loaf of white bread
  2. One 426g tub of chunky peanut butter
  3. Three tea-bags and two instant coffee sachets
  4. Six packets of full cream milk
  5. One box of cereal
  6. Two bags of Cheezels
  7. Two bowls of instant noodles
  8. Four packets of Hello Panda
  9. Two large packets of 旺旺 rice crackers
  10. One packet of Tao Kae Noi seaweed
  11. One packet of broad beans
  12. One packet of peeled roasted chestnuts
  13. Seven 500ml bottled drinks e.g. Pink Dolphin, peach tea, green tea
  14. Two 1.5l bottles of water
  15. Nine bottles of chicken essence
  16. One bag of sour blackcurrant gummies

Am intending to eat the peanut butter straight from the tub once the bread runs out or once I sink into depression and resignation from not being able to finish my finals revision, whichever happens earlier.

Ok bye.

Honestly super stoked about Laneway 2013 on 26 Jan. :)

Other gigs in 2013 I would like to attend include:
Swedish House Mafia’s farewell tour on 17 Jan.
Vampire Weekend + Yeah Yeah Yeahs at Big Night Out on 30 Jan.
Ellie Goulding on 26 Feb.

I’ve just managed to save up a substantial amount of money though, not sure if I should splash it all out on these concerts at one go, omg. Advice please??! Who else is a cool cat and will be attending any of them?

———–

Finally caught up with LC today, and he pointed out to me that life has been pretty smooth-sailing for me so far. Eh, true. And for that I’m grateful. :) No crazy drama or anything to really bring my spirits down — so far I’ve been meeting my expectations academics-wise; I’ve made some good friends in NTU; I’ve received a really substantial bursary so that reduces much of money woes; I’ve been making good progress (taking baby steps, really) in building up my ‘portfolio’ and taking up some commitments I really enjoy; I’ve been having a much better relationship with my dad recently too!

It’s probably my experience dance-wise that’s more of a buzz-kill because I can’t seem to get myself to like locking (dance style) — I truly don’t find it enjoyable and feel unnatural dancing it. On the other hand, I am very interested in popping (dance style) yet can’t get myself to master it, ugh. So frustrating! As for waacking (dance style), that’s in kind of a standstill now because I’ve put any classes on hold so I don’t exactly know how things will turn out.

Nevertheless, in the grand scheme of things, my dancing woes seem little more than a hiccup so it doesn’t faze me very much. :) So.. I would say that life’s good right now (despite the looming finals hahaha).

On a related note, and I’ve said this before, I miss playing/making music a lot! I guess with the way things currently are it’s quite impossible for me to re-enter the realm of music-making, especially since I’ve been out of it for so long… But once in a while I think about the performances and practices I had in NY String Ensemble, I think about the times when I was begrudgingly practising for my piano exams, I think about the times spent in the Higher Music Programme class listening to Mr Lim teach or when I was using Sibelius on the Mac as a composition major. I remember feeling like I couldn’t wait to “escape” this world where I was surrounded by music day in, day out. And when I finally did, I was relieved. But now I’m not so sure I don’t want to revisit it, though dabbling with music again (after abandoning it for years) seems kinda willful and presumptuous. Idk, maybe taking my violin out of its dusty case and feeling it in my hands again will help me come to a decision better. Mmm ok this paragraph machiam like no point lidat so I shall end it here BYE.

I have a knack for making those around me feel uncomfortable, and I do it in a number of ways.

Sometimes it is by means of a snide remark that pretty much screams, “SURPRISE, BITCH!” I don’t yet have an explanation why I do this periodically; maybe I just have an inclination for meanness. Or maybe it’s the inherent urge to burst the other person’s ridiculously enormous bubble that was blown from soap suds of self-importance and delusion. Or maybe it’s just because I’m comfortable with you enough to want to make you feel uncomfortable — think of it as my love language, y’all.

Sometimes it happens purely because of someone’s — mine, for the most part — awkwardness and misjudgment of the situation, and I somehow say or do what is perceived by others to be the ‘wrong’ thing. Earlier today at my Psychology tutorial, we were learning about clinical and personality disorders, and there was a case study about someone who suffered from an anxiety disorder. “By the way, I think I might have this disorder,” I casually inserted. I had on a dead-serious expression but apparently it came off as an obscure joke that nobody understood but pretended to anyway and the five girls at my table LOL-ed gingerly. One asked after five seconds of laughter, “Why?” to which I replied, “Because I get panic attacks often and sometimes it feels like I am dying. Might need to see a doctor to get this diagnosed soon.” Cue uneasy shifting in their chairs and abrupt topic change after realising that I did not just tell a weird joke.

Sometimes it is simply because I do not give a shit about humouring ‘societal conventions’ (yessa i m k00L lyk dat) and do not feel obliged to go through the motions of making you feel comfortable just because. If I have established that you do not interest me, I am not going to make small talk with you. You are not going to hear me asking you about how your last relationship was like or why you are having a bad day if I do not genuinely want to know the answers to these questions. Similarly, if I have established that I do not interest you, your apparent efforts at keeping the conversation going even though it means nothing to you will be shot down by me; you’re welcome, don’t mention it.

The thing is, sometimes feeling uncomfortable can be a good thing. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that in many cases it makes me glad to make people squirm a little in their seats, because most of it time it means that they are no longer cocooned in their lukewarm bed of stagnation. I would like to think that breaking out of the familiar pushes at least some of them to reflect on why they felt uncomfortable and consequently think about what is really important to them. We all need to learn to get comfortable with discomfort; till then, here is to many more ‘awkward silences’ and uneasy social situations brought about by yours truly.

“We are all ordinary. We are all boring. We are all spectacular. We are all shy. We are all bold. We are all heroes. We are all helpless. It just depends on the day.”
– Brad Meltzer

—————

Insomnia makes one lose track of time — each day suddenly becomes so much longer and before you know it you’ve already spent 28 hours awake and you can barely tell the difference between Today, Tomorrow, and Yesterday anymore.

Also this existential crisis thingum I’m experiencing right now really isn’t helping.

There is so much I want to say; there is so much waiting to spill out of me. But I find myself holding my tongue more and more these days. Well, sometimes it’s not so much of bottling those feelings and thoughts up but rather reigning them in so that they can dissipate quietly and die a slow, calm death.

—————

Photo by Jade Han

Boo. Creepy doll for Halloween ’12.