“We are all ordinary. We are all boring. We are all spectacular. We are all shy. We are all bold. We are all heroes. We are all helpless. It just depends on the day.”
– Brad Meltzer

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Insomnia makes one lose track of time — each day suddenly becomes so much longer and before you know it you’ve already spent 28 hours awake and you can barely tell the difference between Today, Tomorrow, and Yesterday anymore.

Also this existential crisis thingum I’m experiencing right now really isn’t helping.

There is so much I want to say; there is so much waiting to spill out of me. But I find myself holding my tongue more and more these days. Well, sometimes it’s not so much of bottling those feelings and thoughts up but rather reigning them in so that they can dissipate quietly and die a slow, calm death.

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Photo by Jade Han

Boo. Creepy doll for Halloween ’12.

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So the past 2 weeks have left me feeling exhausted and so, so unwell because I have been having yet another bout of insomnia. It’s now 4.57AM and I have class at 9.00AM all the way to 6.00PM with only 2 hours of break in between — I’m not too sure if I can stay awake for today’s lessons. Insomnia’s a real bitch. I can’t talk to anyone at this ungodly hour since everyone’s asleep, and social media’s not keeping me entertained either since, well, nobody’s awake to update FB or Twitter.

It’s a little ironic I guess, how I’ve been insomniac recently, because we just watched Fight Club in class yesterday (Monday, that is) and the narrator had really bad insomnia too. Omg please don’t let there be any parallels between the film and my life…

K this post has no actual point.

Oh yea photos:

Happy birthday to Ray from SF :)

Last week’s W2WW: the theme was BIRDS and those are owls on my top lol. “Birds” in French is “les oiseaux” btw. Mmkay idk why I wrote that.

Guess it’s time to try to sleep k bye

studying
procrastination, on the other hand, comes easy to me.

gaining weight
just not physically possible for me.

sports
my default position is as one of the zombies shuffling around doing nothing during a game of captain’s ball.

lying
not very good at putting on my poker face. also am bad at improvising.

giving compliments
not always, but most of the time — see above re: lying.

controlling my temper
thought i’d become better at this but judging from recent events, apparently not.

controlling my stutter
occasionally stammer when i get excited or nervous, but it’s NBD, right? right? right.

baking
if you’ve ever received any baked goods (‘bad’s, more like) from me, know that i did not intentionally screw them up and i am sorry.

getting things done
another serving of half-assed efforts and unfinished projects coming right up.

telling you how i feel
so if i seem like an open book to you, you’re definitely reading me wrong.

having realistic expectations
“the higher the expectations, the greater the fall” explains my many bruises.

pretending to like what i am doing
call me socially awkward if you’d like, but if i appear uncomfortable/unnatural around you then it probably means that i don’t like being around you and suck at hiding it (or can’t be bothered to).

making people like me
not that it’s necessarily a bad thing all the time, but.

eating healthy
am aware that skinny = / = healthy, but if the effects of eating fast food don’t show on my body then i automatically assume there is no effect at all.

remembering
not kidding when i say i don’t remember your birthday — even if you’re my boyfriend.

staying awake during lessons
when i say PINCH MY INNER ARM please just pinch my inner arm else i will be nodding off in two minutes in front of the professor. (yes eunice this is directed at you)

keeping calm
cannot react well to stress, and i meet the panic-attack monster too often.

saving up
what good is money if you can’t spend it, eh?

So far, I know that there are at least several things that I am certain I really want, and I am determined to attain them even if it means pushing myself to my physical and emotional limits. It’s funny how people can doubt you, undermine you, and overlook your existence for so very long, and then suddenly notice you, want to be around you, and start believing in you when you prove them wrong. I want that feeling, and above all I want to prove myself wrong. It’s hard to keep going and keep pushing myself for so long and so much longer towards so many goals when detractors and distractions are all around, but I have faith in myself to achieve them eventually. It is only a matter of time.

It has to be.

Wanna learn how to waste a perfectly good Friday?

So yesterday (which happened to be a Friday) I woke up fine and dandy, ready to do some work, but because my browser (Firefox) had been angsty recently and crashing like a thousand times each night I decided I had to download a new browser. The moment I installed Google Chrome on my laptop, I realised what a big mistake it was because it was so ~cool~!!! So many apps I could download and so many browser themes I could get to pimp it up. So I ended up spending hours dabbling with Chrome, ugh. After that I thought my nails had been bare and polish-free for quite a while so they could do with some new colour and so I spent another hour or so painting my nails. (Speaking of which, I can’t stop staring at my nails because oooooh shiny!) Ok then I went to do my laundry and went to and fro trying to bleach some stains out of my white t-shirt (did not work). And then later I decided, hey, this would be a good time to START ON A NEW TV SERIES and I started watching Breaking Bad and BOOM there went my Friday. (Breaking Bad is really good btw.)

I feel so guilty and yes I am horrified with myself because this happens every friggin’ Friday and I get a much shorter weekend as a result and stress myself out when I can’t finish all the work due on Monday. Like how I am fucking stressed out now. Pffft.

Someone needs to sit me down proper every Friday and force me to get some proper shit done.

Ok bye gtg do homework

Week 8’s been a jolly good week!! for the following reasons:

  1. Done with Ethics essay!
  2. Done with Ethics quiz 3!
  3. Done with group video presentation!
  4. Got back French midterms results and I did well!
  5. Realised that I did well for Psych midterms after all!
  6. Had a verrryyy orgasmic grilled fish meal at Can 16!
  7. Had my favourite chicken chop from Can 2! (see pic)
  8. It’s the last week the squatter will be here!
  9. Signed up for SF camp main comm!
  10. Discovered the perfect study music playlist on Youtube!
  11. What2WearWednesdays: checkered theme! (see pic)
  12. Didn’t splurge on anything!
  13. Tumblr-ed a lot!
  14. Settled school and hostel fees!
  15. Bought Pringles from 7-11!
  16. New Psych lecturer is good!
  17. Zen!!!

:D

#6: It’s damn good I swear arghhh the brown sauce is the bombdiggity and the chicken is sooo goooood like it’s slightly and deliciously charred gosh I am fantasizing about it now *_*

#11: W2WW — the previous theme was Floral and this Wed it was checks. :) I like having themed days because it forces me to wear something else other than a tired tshirt and shorts hahaha.

Well next week’s gonna be heck of a crazy week too so here’s hoping everything goes well!! I need to catch up with tutorials, complete another essay, present another speech, prepare for another quiz, and prepare for a dance event on Saturday (omg super nervous). As usual my skin is wreaking havoc but oh wellllll skin shall be of low priority for now hmmmm sucks but I can’t help it.

OH YEA I FINALLY HAVE INSTAGRAM PLEASE FOLLOW ME IF YOU HAVE IT TOO!!!! I’m @fivefatfleas as usual!!! Hahahaha I’m like an instagram loser because I have v few followers so far and I keep liking others’ photos and I don’t filter my photos much hehhehe ok but I promise to filter more and take more photos ok!!! FOLLOW ME!!!

Ok bye listen to this before you go:

I want to see Grimes live omgggggg watched so many of her live performances on Youtube and was imagining myself there wheeee good music + good food are enough to make me happy :D