who will be there for me?

I don’t get anxiety attacks like that; I don’t feel like throwing up or crying myself to sleep and all, it’s different for me. Today I experienced 3 mini attacks. And I did wring my hands continuously, I felt hot all over and my heart was palpitating. Had to grit my teeth and steady myself because my knees were almost giving way and my hands and legs were trembling, non-stop. I think my fingers and feet were all tingly and weak. It was hard to breathe normally, I had to take in big gulps of air and I think I almost started hyperventilating. The feeling is just so, overwhelming and… frightening, felt like I was going to faint any moment. When I get anxiety attacks at home I will be on the brink of tears as well, and sometimes I just become a trembling sobbing frightened mess – it’s always during those moments when I feel most alone.

No idea what triggered those mini attacks. They just come and go so abruptly. I was on the train for all 3 times, and the feeling of being scrutinised by curious strangers on the crowded train made it all the worse. I suppose if I really burst out crying it will be a strange and amusing sight for the commuters?

I hate how weak and sickly this makes me feel.

Just, really hope that I don’t get another attack before / at the interview tomorrow. It’s too important for me, I can’t afford to ruin it again.


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